Christmas 2019 has been, New Year's Eve 2019 has gone and so into 2020 with Emma in my heart...

I truly want to thank everyone who has helped me over the past few years. First will go to the families Hughes and Tinker; having you around me helped me through my darkest days. I could not have done it without you. Whether travelling many miles to be with me at St Michael’s Hospice for that last week or keeping me in your hearts. Holding me in your thoughts and prayers meant so much to me and gave me the strength I needed. I also have so many friends who have been there for me that that I can’t list everyone. I can’t possibly name every single person and will no doubt miss people out but please bear me no ill will; I am doing the best I can and just because I don’t name you does not mean I don’t value you more than gold or platinum. You were there for me and I treasure that help you gave. First will go to David and Jo Floyd. From that Friday at the Hospice right to the final hours; I can’t thank you enough. Emma called me her rock but you were mine. We had many great times together and I would prefer to think of those rather than any of the difficult hours when you I had to rely on you so heavily. You were there way before the toughest time and didn't shrink away when times got tough. There’s the medical support from the Basing Unit at Basingstoke Hospital, BMI The Hampshire Clinic and lastly the Mulberry Oncology Suite at BMI Sarum Road Hospital in Winchester; you gave me the final years with Emma. Without you our story would probably have ended much sooner than it did. Towards the end we had links to the club in the care given by Rob Baldwin’s wife when Emma was transferred to a surgical ward and then at St Michael’s Hospice when Eddie McNulty’s wife looked after Emma in her final days. Of this time, if Laura could pass these thanks onto to Jess, the doctor on the Palliative Team that would be very much appreciated. There’s no way I could miss out our rugby family at Chineham RFC; past and present members both. Emma’s always said despite any preconception that people may have of rugby players you were always were “a amazing set of boys” so almost pre-empting Will’s words at her funeral with her being one of the club’s mums. I picked four pallbearers for that day; it was hell to choose them. I wanted to go with guys who would represent the rugby club that helped us through this difficult journey; Chineham RFC has been with us at our worst times and it seemed completely wrong to not acknowledge this so explicitly. For that; Neil Challenger, Spencer Taylor, Tim Boulter and James Floyd bore Emma into the celebration of her life with dignity. You perfectly represented the club Emma and I loved. William Rouse also spoke so wonderfully for the club, I know some members of my family have already spoken to you in person but I have to express my own thanks. All I can say is I look forward to many drinks on Emma's beench with all of you. I have my good friend Kevin DaCosta who joined me for a few drinks and a football game; I want to let you know that the Chivas Regal has been opened with another good friend, Matt Lingham, to toast Emma but there is still plenty left for us to raise some glasses to her in 2020. Outside of the club we have great neighbours, who we shared evenings sat in the garden enjoying drinks and good times. Work colleagues who took the strain when I couldn’t be there, were supportive when they could just have squeezed us for a bit more productivity, or who gave gifts to someone who they didn’t know and moved both of us so much in that openness (yes, Tiffany, that’s you and I still need to meet with you to pass on Emma’s final craft project). To the people who told me things Emma wasn't able to tell me in her life; one of which was Claire with how Emma viewed herself as lucky. These things only increased my love and wonder for Emma and how honoured I was to call her my wife. Then I look towards Emma’s work colleagues who supported her, came around for tea and cake when Emma wasn’t well enough to come into work. Jasmine; I would like to share a drink with you and Mark next year. Lastly I need to mention Emma’s university friends. You had a bond with Emma that I saw light up her face so for those that were unable to travel I know she knew you were in her heart. For Laura and Eve, your hug meant the world to me. To finish this post I need to leave it to some wise old bastards who get it in every way, who got Emma in every way without ever meeting her. This is a Chicago band called Flatfoot 56 who formed the summer Emma and I were married so this is kind of meant to be. This is a song called “Shiny Eyes”. I always found Emma’s smile the most beautiful I’d ever seen but to anyone who knew her they would see that her smile started in her eyes. Emma had the most amazing eyes and that is where her smiles always started. I used to call her my “Squinkley Eyes”, they went that way when she smiled and I loved the way they looked. So…thank you to 5 guys from Chicago, Illinois (or 9 if you include the members over the years) who put into words my heart dearly wants to speak. This is my Tribute to Emma. In times of hell, in times of sun, you journeyed with me, my precious one. Far stretched the road I found you on. We walked together arm in arm. Oh, shiny eyes, bright as the sun. You were my treasure, my dearest one. Oh, shiny eyes, right where you stand. You were my own, I was your man. Oh, shiny eyes, to my surprise, you're still my one. Now lives are shaken, hearts are changed. You touched them all, you knew their names. You helped the weak, the poor, the meek. And selfish treasure, you didn't seek. Oh, shiny eyes, bright as the sun. You were my treasure, my dearest one. Oh, shiny eyes, right where you stand. You were my own, I was your man. Oh, shiny eyes, to my surprise, you're still my one. And alas, my dear, I miss you. These thousand miles they burn through my soul. Hold on, my dear, just one more day. Your haggard boy is comin' back home...is comin' back home. And now in death, I bid farewell. A song to sing, your story I'll tell. But I can't bear to see you, dear. Your shiny eyes no longer here. Oh, shiny eyes, bright as the stars. Now lay in death's eternal arms. Oh, shiny eyes, stare back through me. Now resting at your father's feet. Oh, shiny eyes, to my surprise...oh, shiny eyes, you're still my one. Oh, shiny eyes, to my surprise, you're still my one. https://youtu.be/oPcHVG83cbU